Wednesday, July 29, 2015
First Day Blues
I'm just going to be honest here. But first thing is first, I am in Korea.
Currently I am staying in Incheon. Incheon is a city a little bit outside of Seoul, the capitol of South Korea. This is the first city you will enter since the national airport is in Incheon.
About that flight... it is terrible. I love to fly as I have mentioned before, but any flight over about 2 hours is terribly uncomfortable. My advice, adjust to the new time zone early if you have the chance by trying to stay up during the night and sleeping during the day. It sucks while trying to adjust, but it is going to suck no matter where you try to accomplish it. Next choose a flight that is in the morning (your time which happens to be the other time zone's night time) and you will be so tired during the flight that you will knock out no matter what the level of comfort is. At least I know I do. Oh, and invest in a neck pillow!
Anyways I am here safely and I guess that is all the matters. I can't, however, say I am completely happy. I remember going to Japan and how happy I was by being there. Simply stepping off the airplane felt like a huge achievement. I was ready, I was excited and eager to explore. Here in Korea... at least this first day, I don't feel exactly the same way. Please don't misunderstand me, I am grateful to have this opportunity and I am not infinitely melancholy or anything close. But I do have a little bit of the blues. I felt no real drive to record any vlogs for the first day, and even my photography suffered because of these blues. My heart was just elsewhere today.
Perhaps it was just a harder flight than I thought, but I think it is more than that. I couldn't possibly explain why I feel this way in one single blog post. Partly because you would have to read a very lengthy post, and partly because I really don't know why myself. However, I can pin point two reasons for sure.
First off, I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and book my flight a few days early with two other people. These two are great, I have no issues with them in any way. But I think this was a mistake all the same. I am just simply not the kind of person to travel with friends. I can't explain it. It is not as if they are dragging me down, or ruining my experience in any way. In fact for any other person these two would probably enhance the experience, they are just really fun people.
Now more than ever though, I have come to the conclusion that I am a very reclusive person. I do not want to be, but I am very uncomfortable with people. I never thought it was this bad, but the way I feel right now only serves to confirm what I am and to what degree it afflicts me. I do not like that I am this way. I like people, I like their stories, and yet I can't feel comfortable around them for too long. I don't know when this became a thing, perhaps I have always been like this, but I wish I wasn't.
I am afraid of what this may mean for my future relationships. Before I never had a problem spending lots of time with a girlfriend or someone I was dating. But that was a very long time ago. I have wondered why I have been single for so many years, and I feel like I may know now. If that isn't the case, then this has developed in that long period of time, and I wonder how a future relationship would carry out. I guess it isn't important right now, there are no girls knocking down my hotel room door or anything, but it has been on my mind. By the way, one thing that really set this off is that I found out I will be having a roommate for three weeks during orientation. That really upset me.
Secondly, for my blues, I feel like I have really made my family sad because of leaving for so long. I mean, that's normal right? Anyone would be at least a little sad that their loved one will be half way across the world for an extended period of time. But I don't like the feeling of doing this to my family. I have always felt an inexplicably high sense of responsibility for them, and doing this makes me feel like I am not fulfilling those responsibilities and making their lives a little more difficult at the same time.
I am home sick already... to say the least. I want to be with my family more now than I ever have before. I felt a little bit like this before I left to Japan, but not to this degree at all. Maybe its because of the length, maybe not. Its weird too, because I really don't have the mindset of particularly needing anyone around me. I am a survivor and, as I stated above, a recluse. I get by alone very well no matter what the situation. But it is not because I need my family to do for me, rather I want to do for them. Here I am almost helpless. I know they will get by with or without me. They are not completely hopeless cases who can't do without me, but as I have said before, that's not at all the point.
I hope this subsides. I don't know what to do about my reclusive tendencies, but I do hope that I am just having normal home sickness. I really think I am, I think it just hit me hard this time. Here is to hoping for better moods!
Thanks for reading guys, I appreciate it. I know this one was kind of a heavy one. I will be recording more vlog videos about my travels soon. I know many people liked those so please be on the lookout for those and share my blog with anyone who might be interested.